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Thursday, 2nd October 2025 - Crisis of confidence

An Ellyllon, a green goblin-like creature with pointed ears and blue spiky hair sits at a wooden desk in a dimly lit room, writing in an open journal by candlelight. The Ellyllon wears tattered grey robes and appears focused on putting pen to paper, capturing the act of journaling through dark times.
@theaardvark

Crisis of confidence time, folks. 💜

Do I say too much? Do I share too much? My journals are personal; sometimes maybe a bit too personal. Possibly better saved for the (virtual) counselling couch.

My last journal in particular was very raw, a little dark.

I'm so tired. I just don't know anymore if this serves the purpose I wanted it to.

I wanted to write about the light and the dark, the struggles and the wins. I promised myself to be brutally honest, but I'm not sure if there are things I should just keep to myself. I'm not sure it's really serving any purpose at all.

If my writings resonate with you, if it helps in anyway to know that someone else is going through the same, please let me know. I think it will do my head some good.

Where I'm at:

I've had to physically step back from any voluntary activities for a while and get some rest. That's left me with very little to occupy those fits and starts where I feel up to doing something worthwhile, something good for my soul.

I accept I need to take time to recover from COVID and get back to a place where I can begin to manage my Ellyllons again. But blimey, it's hard when you're used to doing things, being involved, making a difference.

The thing is...

While I'm not sure if anyone else reads what I write, it's a powerful tool for self-reflection. It's a way for me to connect with my thoughts and feelings, and in turn, it helps me feel more connected to the world around me.

I'm finding my Ellyllions (Chronic illnesses) incredibly isolating and lonely. But it's important to remember that you're not alone in this struggle. Many of us are navigating similar challenges, and by sharing our experiences, we can find comfort and strength in our shared journey.

If sharing my thoughts and experiences helps just one other person in this cruel situation know they're not alone, then that makes me feel I'm not alone, too.

That may be enough. I don't know. Some days I'm not sure of anything.

But I'm still here. Still writing. Still rolling.

Big love, Sha 💜♿

#WheelyHappyDays #ChronicIllness #FND #COVID #Recovery #MentalHealthMatters #YoureNotAlone #KeepingItReal #RestIsWork

If you're reading this and feeling the same - drop me a message. We're in this together, even when it doesn't feel like it. xx

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