Wednesday 31 December 2025 - The end of the Year

I know, I've been very quiet. I've not posted much and have not been well enough to blog.^Paul This year's festive season has been tough; I know you'll understand. Hoping for better days ahead.

It's been one of those patches in my lifetime where even thinking about writing felt like climbing Everest in my pants. The festive season - all that joy and sparkle everyone else seems to manage - has been emotionally draining if I'm honest. I'm blessed to have Paul and Connor here to bring a smile, make me chuckle and give cwtches galore. I don't know how I'd make it through each day without the support I get.

My Ellyllons have been throwing their own Christmas party for the past 5 weeks or so, and let me tell you, their idea of festivities involves pain. fatigue and that endless rollercoaster of symptoms to long to list, that saw me spend more time horizontal than vertical, and not in the fun way.

I've not been easy to live with^Paul, I know, and I'm so sorry. I've been left feeling absolutely wrung out, like someone's squeezed every bit of energy - physical and emotional - right out of me.

Every time I thought about dictating something, my body staged a full-scale rebellion, and my brain went "absolutely not, love - we're done here" and frankly, I had to listen. When your own neurons are on strike, you can't exactly negotiate with them, can you?

Chronic illness doesn't give a toss about your content calendar, your good intentions. It's completely unreasonable, never takes holidays, and absolutely will not be reasoned with over a nice cup of tea or champagne 🥂 (my fave, none drunk this year!).

But here's what I want to say: being quiet doesn't mean I've given up. Sometimes, surviving means going into the dark for a bit. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is say absolutely nothing. But I've missed sharing the chaos and the cwtches. Missed taking the piss out of my situation before it takes the piss out of me.

For now, though, I just have to survive one New Year's celebration. If I make it to midnight, let alone past, and my birthday is the next day. Let's be honest, I'll probably end up in bed ugly-crying into a family-sized box of tissues while Julie Andrews proves she's better at everything than the rest of us mere mortals, but with my singing voice gone... no singalong this year.

New Year's Day is genuinely the worst day to have a birthday - it's like the universe looked at January 1st and thought, "you know what this needs? More fucking expectations." I hate it every year.

But 2026 feels like it might - just might - have some better days in it once I crawl past this bit. I'm cautiously allowing myself a smidge of hope without tempting fate or touching any wood or throwing salt over my shoulder (I've not got the energy for that level of superstition, if I'm honest).

Sunny, happy, warm days, walking (myself), dancing, singing. Visiting my bestest of friends, whom I've just been unable to reach out to, but I love and miss more than words can say. And getting my life back on some kind of track; getting back to work, holidays, having my own income - it feels a tiny bit more possible when I squint at it sideways through one eye while crossing my fingers.

Big goals, I know. They are going to take time, baby steps. Very, very slow baby steps. Possibly while sitting down.

My mantra for this new year? Appreciate.

• Appreciate the rest when I need it.
• Appreciate the people who've stuck around.
• Appreciate that I'm still here, still fighting, still finding silver linings, to laugh and smile even when everything feels hard.

So, as always, I will just take it one day at a time. One post at a time. One small victory at a time.

Thanks for sticking with me through all this. Honestly, I feel blessed.

Sending you love, health and happiness in 2026.

KOKO

Love

Sha x

#WheelyHappyDays #ChronicIllness #FND #Fibromyalgia #MECFS #RealTalk #ItsBeenAWhile #StillHere #KOKO #Appreciate

Paul's Note 1 - Sha has written a few blog posts that I've not got round to uploading. I intended to correct that over the next few days.

Paul's Note 2 - I know Sha feels this way, and at times things have been tough for us. The stress that chronic illness puts on a relationship could make a whole series of blog posts in itself. But I'm are here for the rest of our lives. Being upset and angry and needing to express that is part of the journey - for both of us.