By Published on

Monday 1st September 2025

A cartoon illustration of a sleepy sloth holding a pink candle, looking at a mug labeled "my last fuck" with a small flame coming out of it. The sloth is saying "oh look it's on fire" in a speech bubble. The image humorously depicts the feeling of being completely burned out and having no energy left to care about anything.
© https://fb.com/sugarandsloth

Visibility Score 1... No spoons left and no fucks to give

The past four nights I've been battling insomnia and nightmares. I fall asleep alright, but then the horrible dreams start. I wake up between 3 and 4am and that's me done for the night - brain switched on, body screaming.

Got up to go to the bathroom around 4am and my legs just buckled under me. They hurt so much and feel like lead weights - they're just not cooperating today. So I sat on the bedroom floor, had a little sob, and wallowed in self-pity whilst building up the energy to actually get there and back (which I managed, with the help of my granny walker and the walls for support).

Today's reality check:

I'm feeling quite fragile, teary, and in proper pain today. I'm trying to keep my spirits up and keep on keeping on, but honestly? I'm feeling sorry for myself and frustrated with my body failing me yet again. Feeling trapped inside these four walls, unable to escape even for a breath of fresh air.

Yes, I'm throwing a pity party for one, and my multiple chronic issues are the only guests invited.

The domino effect:

Four days of insomnia have triggered a horrible migraine. Recently discovering I can record my feelings and Google Notes will turn them to text has been a revelation - my typing is awful and the screen's too bright to manage much. It's a vicious circle: one symptom leads to another, which triggers the next, and so on.

I hate migraines and all the sickness that comes with them. Pretty sure my morning meds are now in the sewer rather than helping to ease this god-awful pain. My tinnitus feels deafeningly loud, but the Flare Audio Calmer earplugs are helping with that at least.

Missing my people:

I've been thinking about my bestie who's been the yin to my yang for over 26 years now. It's her birthday today.

Happy Birthday, darling girl. I love you x

I've no idea if she reads this blog. I've been terrible at keeping in touch, and I miss her and her family so much. It's been over a year since our last girls' weekend escape together. In fact, the last time we caught up just the two of us, it was when my FND was just coming on and I still thought it was "just" a really bad Fibromyalgia crash. I miss the days that marked the end of; the independence, the ability to drive and roam wherever I wanted.

Two women sitting close together on a sofa, both smiling warmly at the camera. One woman wears a white top and the other wears a light-colored sleeveless top. The setting appears cozy and intimate, suggesting a close friendship moment.
Two women on an amusement park ride, both laughing with pure joy. One has dark hair and wears a black tank top, the other has blonde hair. Trees and park structures are visible in the background, capturing a fun day out together.
Two women standing together indoors, dressed up for what appears to be a special occasion. One wears a black dress with a red star necklace, the other wears a teal patterned Asian-style dress. Both are smiling and appear to be celebrating something together.

Today's plan:

I'll be spending the day in the darkness and relative silence of my bedroom with my feline friends for comfort. Trying not to overthink, trying not to get more upset, trying not to nap (which will only make tonight worse).

Today's hope:

Praying for one whole night's sleep tonight (probably drug-induced as my prescription arrives today) to help build my energy levels and ease this pain.

Affirmations I'm struggling to believe:

  • Bad days don't last forever
  • This migraine will pass
  • My body is doing its best under difficult circumstances

Some days chronic illness wins the round. Today feels like one of those days, and that's just the honest truth of living with this collection of conditions.

Until next time (when hopefully I'll have slept),

Love, Sha x

#WheelyHappyDays #VisibilityScore1 #ChronicIllnessReality #InsomniaNightmares #MigraineLife #PityPartyForOne #MissingMyPeople