Monday 23rd - Sunday 29th June 2025
I know I've been crap at updating this. It's been a rollercoaster week, full of stress and emotional chaos, following what was actually a really happy weekend. That's another story I need to write, but I'm not in the right frame of mind this morning.
Monday - The Nosedive
I drove myself into a proper nosedive crash, and I just don't know where to begin. I woke early with a score of 2 on my app, which was unexpected as I didn't feel that bad. I was in a good mood, but I was very fatigued and struggled to get out of bed, falling as I stood up. Felt like a lead weight had been strapped to every limb. Bed rest it was then.
Then I made the mistake - I picked up my phone. The news and socials are full of doom and gloom. Trump (well, say no more). Then the reporting on Labour's welfare reforms.
I'm an empathetic person; I shouldn't have touched that bloody phone. A torrent of panicked and upset people on social media, worried about their own futures and those of their families. I absorbed every bit of their fear like a sponge. Even though I know the reality isn't what the reporting suggested it to be.
Reality check: News switched off, phone ignored for my own sanity, and I'm running out of tissues; my poor eyelashes are taking a beating.
But changes to benefits are personal to me too. I'm finding that on top of dealing with such a significant change in my health, having to depend on benefits to live, and having uncertainty hanging over my head is unbearable. I've never asked for anything and would love to be fit for work, but I'm not. Simple as that.
Reading about others in my position with my illnesses, worrying that they will lose or be refused PIP, is devastating.
Political crisis of conscience: Everything seems to be in free fall. My beliefs and where I stand as a Labour Party member and Councillor, and what I stand for, are so far away from the party line at the moment. Which is both challenging, compromising, and really confusing. I understand there needs to be changes made for growth, I get that there's a need for economic stability, but recent policies...
Tuesday - 4am Wake-up Call
After the worst night's sleep ever, I'm awake at 4am with insomnia and the symptoms of yet another infection. Brilliant.
I continued to stress about all sorts of things that are entirely out of my control. What I should have done was sit in the quiet and rest, but no - I pottered around, did too much, and achieved nothing but making myself more ill.
I was in bed by 6 pm and woke up at 9 pm, and after that, I just couldn't settle. I still can't settle. My safe bubble feels like it's burst.
Thursday - Rock Bottom
I'm really fatigued and my pain levels are through the roof. My disturbed sleep, fueled by anxiety and stress, has knocked my score back down to 1.
To top off the week, the UTI has now developed into a kidney infection. More antibiotics (the second lot in a week). Great.
Current Status:
- Pain levels: Stratospheric
- Anxiety levels: Off the charts
- Faith in politics: Shattered
- Physical health: Kidney infection on top of everything else
- Mental state: Hiding under the duvet seems like a solid life plan
What I've learned this week:
- Don't read the news when you're already vulnerable
- Political ideals and chronic illness benefits don't mix well in your head
- Sometimes your body forces you to stop when your brain won't
- Infections really don't care about your other problems
I'm going to hide under this duvet for a few days until all this passes. The world can keep spinning without me for a bit.
Affirmations (that I'm struggling to believe):
- This too shall pass
- I am not responsible for fixing everything
- Rest is resistance when the world demands productivity
Catch up soon, when I've found my fight again.
Sha x
#WheelyHappyDays #PoliticalCrisis #BenefitAnxiety #KidneyInfection #ChronicIllnessStruggles #HidingUnderDuvets #LabourCouncillor #MentalHealthMatters